iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH

WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS

I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT

FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

image

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS

image

rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

image

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF

I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.

image

i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.

IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER

0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

(Source : braingremlin)

Four times we wanted to wrap Sam in a blanket, cuddle him and sing him to sleep. 

(Source : out-in-the-open)

callmeoutis:

i was ready to just scroll past like “haha grammar humor” but then it was weird al and i,

(Source : iraffiruse)

the-uncensored-she:

harboua:

This country is such a fucking joke. Did you know that if we were to divide the income in this country fairly it would be about 300,000 per person. That’s annually. You could give each person in this country 100,000 and still have enough to invest in infrastructure and research. Instead we have people who don’t have water, don’t have their basic human rights fulfilled, because they don’t have enough to pay a bill. 

Capitalism is inhumane.

toopaletofunction:

staythatswhatimeanttosay:

One nation, under Canada, above Mexico.

with liberty and justice for some 

vthebookworm:

ragglefraggles:

when they say youre too old for disney

The hop, I can’t. I cackled.

hugs-and-muffins:

moonblossom:

d0cpr0fess0r:

tsupertsundere:

fuckyeahwomenprotesting:

tontonmichel:

The choice is yours.

This is a shit ton of bullshit and shaming. People are born with health problems and perfectly healthy people develop health problems. There isn’t always a choice.

are your eyes red, itchy, and inflamed? don’t reach for those eyedrops, just grab a fucking red pepper and shove that into your eyes instead, just fucking jam all the vegetables you can into your eyes you fucking animal just do it
go green
go green

Inject V8 directly into your veins you miserable bag of trash. Get a giant syringe full of vegetable juice and stab right through your fucking arm in a wild attempt to cure your heart condition.

Wow, and here I could have saved all the time and discomfort of fucking brain surgery by eating a leek or something. WHO KNEW?!

Commentary. On. Point.

naturisticx:

env0:

theelpasogunfight:

mentiree:

rapunzhawk:

loveandeloquence:

He’s Counting Down From 21, And By The Time He Reaches 15, My Stomach Is In Knots

Th

This. This is important.

Fuck

That was…amazing

I can never watch this enough times

fuck-no-sjws:

serenading-solitude:

sixthrock:

sofapizza:

pleatedjeans:

This dog barks like a person screaming for his life. [via]

their neighbors must be terrified.

*wag wag wag*
*happy dog face*
*BLOODCURDLING DEATH SCREECH*
*wag wag wag*

oh my fucking god

Imagine how many times the neighbors have called the cops